I’m going to make a list of people that don’t like me.

1. Myself
2. Mechanics, because I learned “this one simple trick”

That’s enough for today.

My watch says I got 3.5 hours of sleep and 5682 steps last night

Welp, my foot is asleep and the automatic lights are off. Time to get up.

Today’s kids are so weak. Not me, I work a 60 hr week and drink a 12 pack a night. That’s it. Maybe grill on the 4th.

I hate eating the same thing every day, but it does work.

“honey, today’s your last day of work. Then it’s just you and me 24hrs a day.”

Meme coin goes badly? How did I not see this coming?

Maybe my wife will buy it for her boyfriend

My uncle was a professor at MIT

She made the mistake of knowing her neighbors. It could have been a Trick-Or-Treater or an uber eats driver and she would be okay.

Of course they aren’t real. Just ask Joe.

So is Joe!

Looks like the future I want is in the past

I would hope so, imagine trying to jerk…I mean, brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand. It just feels weird.

She should one up her and say fried chicken curry…wait, is that a thing? Like chicken curry katsu? Now I’m hungry

https://maps.app.goo.gl/rtaFsvaD6zSRpTTi7

I feel you man. It’s this WOKE guvment and this CANCEL culture. I make observations AND conclusions and now I’m RACIST? I’m just lucky I’m on disability.

A dark fig can also be mistaken for a date

“how much is our fine?”