Just don’t try to tell me it’s fucking “uncured.”

background vikings start singing the spam song

https://www.who.int/news-room/questions-and-answers/item/cancer-carcinogenicity-of-the-consumption-of-red-meat-and-processed-meat

Processed meat refers to meat that has been transformed through salting, curing, fermentation, smoking, or other processes to enhance flavour or improve preservation. Most processed meats contain pork or beef, but processed meats may also contain other red meats, poultry, offal, or meat by-products such as blood.

Before anyone asks, no, ‘salt’ doesn’t refer to sodium chloride in this context but rather curing salt or sodium nitrite.

‘Unprocessed ham’ is just a consumer term for ‘uncured ham’, which ironically is still cured, just with sodium chloride and not sodium nitrite. But sure let’s pretend every ‘Ma’am’ asking for nitrite-free ham is just a homeopathic dunce asking for the non-existent.

The fact that this ham monolith exists proves that God is either impotent to alter Her universe or ignorant to the horrors taking place in Her kingdom.

ooo, I’m stealing that for my obituary

As long as it’s not kreshmar, I’m cool with it.