Layla Ahmed is, by any measure, a responsible adult. She works at a nonprofit in Nashville helping refugees. Makes 50k a year. Saves money. Pays her bills on time.
But there’s another measure of adulthood that has so far eluded her. Ahmed, 23, moved back in with her parents after graduating college in 2022.
“There is a perception that those who live with their parents into their 20s are either bums or people who are not hard-working,” she told the Today, Explained podcast.
Being neither of those things, Ahmed and her situation actually point to a growing trend in America right now: More adults, especially younger adults, are either moving back in with family or never leaving at all.
According to the Pew Research Center, a quarter of all adults ages 25 to 34 now live in a multigenerational living situation (which it defines as a household with two or more adult generations).
It’s a number that’s been creeping upward since the early ‘70s but has swung up precipitously in the last 15 years. The decennial US Census measures multigenerational living slightly differently (three or more generations living together), but the trend still checks out. From 2010 to 2020, there was a nearly 18 percent increase in the number of multigenerational households.
That’s a lot of words to say “The rent is too damn high.”
This “Jolie Myers” doesn’t know how to say “poverty”
I’m honestly ok with my kids or step kids or MIL or FIL moving in, saves money and is better in a lot of ways to have someone home all the time. But I absolutely couldn’t have lived with my mom. And I suspect at least some of my kids wouldn’t enjoy living with me. They all say they’d consider a family compound a perfect living situation though, like if we had a quad-plex or something like that.
And those of us with poor parents, or who are estranged from our parents, or who otherwise have some barrier between us and our parents either have to bootstrap our ways to survival or die.
I wish I had married someone rich instead of the daughter of two school teachers. But I’m lucky she had generous rich extended family that gave us enough to buy the house I now own before we divorced.
Now I’m unemployed after being laid off 3 months ago with no safety net and no strong prospects for work that will keep me in the house, even with a roommate paying rent. I have nowhere to go and no one to support me if I lose the house.
This is totally selfish of me, but I will be happy for my daughter to live with us as an adult, because empty nest syndrome is going to hit me super hard. I also want her to be independent and strike out on her own, so I would never tell her this. She knows she’s welcome to live with us whenever and for as long as she likes and I’ve left it at that.
On the other hand, I’ve spent a week (so far) in an AirBnB with my 82-year-old mother after being stuck with her during the 8 1/2 hour drive to get here and it has not been fun, so I hope we never have to move in with her, even though she has a ridiculously huge house she doesn’t need.
This is totally selfish of me, but I will be happy for my daughter to live with us as an adult
The real question is, would you be happy to live with your daughter in her house instead of yours? 'Cause that’s the economically-healthy way to do multigenerational housing.
My wife and I are very early in the planning stages for building a house. We’re fairly young and have one 6 month old kid, but we’re already planning for the strong possibility of having to have our children with us for far longer than they’d like.
It’s going to suck for them to try affording rent and buying a home.
Does anyone know how much the switch from “catch and release” to “stay and apply on your side” immigration policies increased the hourly pay of homebuilders? I feel like this housing shortage started with that.
Good. I don’t know where the “everyone should have a 1br apartment to themselves” thing is coming from. It’s terribly inefficient for housing density, and probably contributes to the loneliness epidemic.
I don’t know where the “everyone should have a 1br apartment to themselves” thing is coming from.
My guess would be two ideas/statements of many modern parents:
“As long as you live in my house, you have to live by my rules”
…and…
“My version of society, as viewed through a religious conservative lens, is the only way I’ll allow you to live”
It’s not just parents though. On a personal note, It was extremely important for my development as a young adult to be out on my own and navigate the world. And I always had that support from parents, but it’s different when you have to manage budgets, do grocery shopping, navigate insurance, and handle loans by yourself.
I imagine it’s the same for many young adults. Independence is really important.
On a personal note, It was extremely important for my development as a young adult to be out on my own and navigate the world.
I had the same experience and agree with your conclusions, but this is a very Western version of growing up. Multi-generational households are common and socially acceptable (even expected) in many non-western cultures. That doesn’t mean that young people starting out in those cultures are any less developed. They simply have different ways of obtaining that same development. My guess is that with multi-generational households becoming more commonplace in some Western societies we’ll learn some of those ways too. If we’re smart, we’ll look at the other cultures to see how it works there for some guidance so we don’t have to try to learn from scratch.
It was extremely important for my development as a young adult to be out on my own
This is so true. I’m already in an empty best situation with my older at college and the younger only two years behind. I miss seeing them every day and miss the bustle of a full house. However they’re “required” to live at college, I try to balance my expectations of them toward “find a city that’s best for you to support your life”, and I will never ever say out loud my true feelings of “please come back, and I’ll make you chocolate chip pancakes every Saturday”
This. The previous generation spread their wings. Left their/our families and all that support to make their mark. Now they all sit in their lounger, getting yelled at by their news man wondering why they are so mad and alone. The generation who created participation trophies is now made they exist. 0 accountability to the state of affairs. I was constantly reminded I was on the 18 and out plan…the rooster is roosting
That’s part of it. The part where people bought into it. But I can’t help thinking how much this single one-bedroom model resembles pigs or chicken in battery cages. Someone above said “Keeping the proletariat occupied with their day to day needs is one of the core goals of the capitalist system.” It’s by corporate design. If you’re living alone it’s harder to obtain those day-to-day needs and you’re easier to control.
But I can’t help thinking how much this single one-bedroom model resembles pigs or chicken in battery cages.
I see the opposite from your analogy.
In a battery cage the cage is JUST large enough to contain the animal. No room to move at all, possibly not even turn around. A 1BR apart is the opposite. Its hard boundaries other cannot intrude upon you giving you space that is your own. You’re not shoulder to shoulder with other people/family members always having your space violated. You’re free to leave your 1BR apartment and venture into the work at will, always having a place of privacy and solitude to return to at the end of the day that is no one but yours. If you put your book on the coffee table, no one else will touch it, take it, or harm it. It will be right there whenever you return for it. There is great comfort in that.
